My mother-in-law died in her own home and bed on her 97th birthday on Oct 10, 2011. Rose Lillian Milea King was definitely the most remarkable woman I have ever known. Max describes Norma Desmond in “Sunset Blvd.” as someone who “never knew the meaning of surrender.” I can think of no more apt phrase to describe Mom.
I first started calling her “Mom” because she was being as exasperating to me as my own mother was. I therefore, called out, “MA!” She looked at Carolyn and gushed, “He called me Mom!” After that, it was easy to continue calling her “Mom”.
The only time the two Roses agreed on anything was about our wedding reception. One could not invite all of those people to come so far and not feed them. “Feeding them,” meant a full dinner, of course. Carolyn and I had been to some very swank weddings in DC. They served their guests champagne and canapés. That menu was not good enough for the two Roses. Only a full several course dinner was good enough. Therefore—we had a sit down dinner for 300 people. Mom King had a “B” list. As she received a negative response, she wanted to invite someone from the “B” list. It took a lot to convince her not to do that.
She was a well-brought up Italian woman, food was important to her. If someone came during dinner, she invited him to join the family at the table. Her greatest joy was having as many people around the table, laughing, talking and enjoying the food. Emulating Jesus and his ability to multiply the loaves and fishes, she could expand a pot of lentil soup to feed the multitudes and still have some leftovers. Speaking of leftovers, there were usually enough margarine tubs in the refrigerator to create a new Parker Brothers game called “Leftover Lottery”. Everyone could bet on the hidden contents of the tubs. Of course, the leftovers would be used later to create a delicious vegetable soup that would be multiplied as the lentil soup was. Once she started painting, the margarine tubs might also contain oil paint. That would raise the ante in that game!
Mom was loyal and brave. She fought her father to protect Angie. I asked her why her father allowed her to fight him. She quickly replied that she was “the delicate one.” She was so delicate she only made it to 97.
She never wasted anything. Certain words were not in her vocabulary. Everyday words like “paper towels”, “disposable”, and “let’s just throw that out” never passed her lips. However, one of her favorite phrases was “I can make that,” If we were together, she might tell me ‘You can do that.” Unfortunately, she would say that loudly and in front of the craftsman trying to sell his wares. Of course, she never bought a sample. She would go home and make the item better that the crafter.
Should I mention Christmas wrapping paper?
Her ability to make anything she saw included drapes, dresses, and slip covers. She taught us to make drapes and reupholster furniture. She even taught Joe to reupholster a couch. Margaret needed a fancy gown for an occasion. We took Mom to the store where Margaret saw a very expensive gown that she liked. Mom took it apart with her eyes and went home. Using a piece of one pattern and some of another plus a little Rose magic, Margaret had a spectacular gown. She was able to wear it to her senior prom as well with some extra beading. Carolyn also benefitted because Mom made her some gorgeous Vogue dresses when we lived in DC.
Her frugality could be embarrassing when traveling with her. In a restaurant, she took all of the sugar, jelly and crackers and stuffed them into her purse. “They will come in handy,” she said; if you protested. Then 2-3 hours later, she fed them to your cranky kids and smiled. “I told you they would come in handy.”
She helped everyone she met who needed her assistance. It didn’t matter if they needed advice, food, or a place to live. She was there to help. She not only took in her sister and niece, she took in her Aunt Angelina, numerous nephews especially during World War II and invited the priest to come on vacation with the family in their cramped apartment. One nephew came for dinner and stayed for 3 years. Everyone knows about all the children she raised. Dorothy, the first of them, still writes Mom loving letters addressed to her “Mother” and sends small tokens of her love and devotion although she has no money at all. In addition, Mom helped others with their children. Marie, Tom, and Raymond had a second grandmother, Celeste had a second home, and all her grandchildren had a ready and willing baby-sitter. She never said no. If she were able, she wanted to sit for the great-grandchildren as well. Even in her last years, she did the Rose developmental evaluation. Each great-grandchild had to lie on the floor and crawl or roll over for Grandma Rose. She offered parenting advice to her children and grandchildren, which was invaluable.
There was also the neighbor whose wife kicked him out and he had nowhere to go. Dad King complained that when he left for work, Sam was sleeping on the couch and when he returned, Roger was there. He never knew who might be in the house.
She helped everyone who needed her regardless. I remember one Saturday having driven up from Virginia. We walked into the kitchen. Mom was sitting with her neighbor, Sophie. They were sewing bridesmaid’s hats for a wedding that afternoon. Sophie had fallen behind and the hats were incomplete. Mom threw one at me and said, “Sew this!” I dutifully sat down and began stitching blue velvet fabric around a wire frame and turning it into a hat. We sat there for almost 2 hours before Sophie had to leave with the hats. I don’t think we ever finished all of them.
She loved her sons and daughters-in-law. She was so devoted that she willing climbed over a plain of volcanic rock in her high heels because her son-in-law wanted to take a photo of her with the waves crashing against a cliff in Nova Scotia. She also allowed a huge Afghan hound to sleep in her kitchen and may have baby-sat that dog. This is the period when she mopped the kitchen floor whenever someone walked across it tracking in a speck of dirt!
Once she started painting, she encouraged me to take it up. She was always interested to see my latest work and was an honest critic.
She was a magician with a screaming toddler. She could calm them down quickly to the chagrin of their parents. She might threaten them with, “Do you want to see me get mad?” Children instinctively knew the answer was ‘NO.” God knows what they thought would happen, but the question worked. Some of her tricks, we passed on to others. One of them, a friend used successfully to reach a difficult child.
She was the matriarch of a large loving family. We will miss her greatly. However, her example, should guide her grandchildren and her memory should warm their hearts forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment