The Amodios

I do not know where that word, Zitzi, originates.  In our family it only refers to 2 people:  Zitzi Raffie and Zitzi Carmen.  Zitzi Raffie was Mom’s older sister and Zitzi Carmen was her husband.

Raffie wa born in 1899.  She was 6 years older than Mom but always seemed as if she were from an older generation. In Italy she attended school and could read and write Italian. Although she did speak English, it was with an accent and she seemed more comfortable speaking Italian.  Through the 1940’s she wore her hair long and braided into a bun.  I remember watching her put on her hat to go out.  She used a very long hat pin and since I could not understand that the pin just anchored the hat to her hair, I assumed it went into her head.  Therefore, women had softer heads than men.

She was 14 when she came to America.  I don’t know anything about her initial experiences.  I do know that there was certain pasta that she would never eat or serve.  When the family traveled steerage, a man cooked that pasta but was usually seasick and vomited.  That was one of Zitzi’s worst memories of the trip.

However, everyone knew the story of her great love.  She met a man and fell in love with him. I know nothing about him.  However, Grandmother’s sisters, Rosaria and Concetta, did not like him and they convinced Grandmother to interfere and break up the romance.  Zitzi never hid the story of this great love.  Zitzi Carmen must have heard it often.

In 1917 she married Carmen Aiello who was also from Bisignano. They were married for 60 years and had 6 children, 4 boys and 2 girls.  Her two oldest were born the same years as Grandmother had her last two 2 children..

Their oldest was named Frank.  He was the best looking of the 4 boys and was named after both his grandfathers.  For some unknown reason he committed suicide in October 1941, age 23.  His parents were home when he did it.  Mom said at the coroner’s inquest everyone decided that Frank felt his “work was done.”  I was only 6 months old and have no memory of him or the event.  With the hindsight of the late 20^th C., I have always wondered what the real reason was.  Could this handsome young man from an old fashioned Italian family have realized that he was “gay” and just could not face it?  We will never know.

I was born just before America entered WW2.  Mom went to work at Westinghouse, as part of the war effort and I stayed with Zitzi. There is a photo of me napping on her couch which was covered with newspapers to protect it from me.  I’m about a year old.  

I spent a lot of time with Lucy when she came home from school.   She had a windup phonograph and I always wanted her to play it.  I rarely gave her time for herself after school.  I expected her undivided attention.  When her brother, Cousin Petie, was home from the war on R&R he spent a lot of time with me.  I’ve written about each of them before and about how important each was to me at that stage.  I still joke about things “Cousin :Petie taught me, like not walking behind a parked car, where the driver can’t see you or being careful crossing streets..

Mom stopped working when the war ended but returned to work about 1947 or 48, this time at HD Lee’s.  She had worked there as a teenager.  This was in preparation for Peter’s going to college.  Mom’s salary while he was in college went to him.  Initially, I went to Zizi’s after school.  However, Dad changed his hours at work so he could be home at lunch time.

Both Zitzi Raffie and Zitzi Carmen were good cooks.  Zitzi Carmen made stuffed mushroom and Margaret with slight modification makes them for holidays.  They also made bread and if you were lucky enough to visit when they had made a fresh batch, you went home with a loaf.  She also made the anise biscotti that she knew I liked.

They were always special to each of their nieces and nephews who were always happy to visit them. Zitzi Carmen spoke with a thick Italian accent and usually almost entirely in Italian. None of the nieces or nephews spoke Italian but we always understood him.  He told a story about me. When I was little he asked me to get his shoes for him.  I refused.  When he got them he “found” a nickel inside and showed it to me.  After that I was always willing to get them for him.  I doubt I ever found a nickel, though.

There was another sister born in Italy who came to America in 1913.  Her name was Maria Bambina.  She was born January 2, 1910.  There are no pictures of her.  She died of spinal meningitis December 10, 1917 and is buried separately in Our Lady of Lourdes Cemetery.  I doubt that the head stone still exists.

Uncle Joe was the only boy and was born the year after Grandmother came to America.  I am sure he was always treated specially by his sisters.  He was always good to them. 

As a child he apparently did errands for the people in the pool hall on the corner of Roebling and Anderson.  He was a fast runner too.  He did graduate from high school and reportedly the Felcones were willing to pay for him to go to college but he refused.  Eventually, he worked for the state and was a bartender at several of the big hotels in Trenton which were very fancy in those days. 

He met his wife in Atlantic City.  Lillian Baricelli was from Camden from a large family.  They immigrated to the US via Philadelphia. She too was the first child born in the US.  They came from the next town over from Bisignano!  They married and moved into the house on Roebling Avenue. The first child, Frank was born in 1942.

I have limited memories of that house.  I remember Frank and I playing on the 3^rd floor.  We “painted” a chair with water and of course, it spilled over my overalls.  Aunt Lil hung them on the coal stove in the kitchen to dry.  In 1945 Uncle Joe was about to be drafted.  So he arranged for his wife and son to move back to Camden near her family and he sold the house. That is when Phil came to live with us.  However, the war ended and he was not drafted.  They unfortunately had no place to live.  They moved into the Donnelly Apartments on Southern and Brunswick Avenue.  They lived there until about 1950 after having 2 more sons, Joe and John.  They then moved to DeCue Village in Hamilton on Independence Avenue.

I spent a lot of time in that house and they spent a lot of time in ours.  When their apartment was being painted, they moved in with us.  Uncle Joe bar tended on New Year’s Eve many times and they spent that Holiday with us.  We also went to the shore together.  At Christmas Aunt Lil would come and bake cookies with my Mom.

She was a lovely lady and all the nieces and nephews like her very much.  Uncle Joe was more distant.  He was also around less.  Uncle Joe was the last of the siblings.

 

Aunt Mildred was 13 years younger than Mom.  Her real name was Carmela.  I don’t know why Carmelas all became Mildreds. She apparently was a very pretty little girl and Mom liked making clothes for her.  Grandmother died May 2, 1935.  At that time Mom, Dad and Peter were living with the Amodios.  Mom tried to become the mother figure which Mildred resented.  She was to graduate from high school and wear a white dress.  My Mom was always concerned about “what would people think” and argued that Mildred was in mourning and could not possibly wear a white dress.  I know they fought but I don’t know who won.  Mom and Dad moved out sometime afterwards.  I think it was later in 1935.  They bought their house in 1937 with a 10 year mortgage and I remember they being happy that the mortgage was paid off..

Mildred worked in Lee’s for a while.  She worked with my Lumia aunts who were always fighting.  Mildred said she had to be careful to whom she said “hello” first.  While working at Lee’s she met Anthony Scott.  They married about 1940.  I’ve never seen a picture and I know that Mom and Dad did not go to the wedding.  Initially, they lived with Tony’s mom.  I vaguely remember visiting them there once.  Later they moved into a house with Tony’s sister, Stella and her husband, Pat.  Mildred and Tony had 2 children, Tink (Francis) and Patty.

Stella was a loud, coarse woman.  My Dad could not stand her and dreaded visiting there.  She doted on Tink and is responsible for his nickname.  She said he had a cute “tinker.”  She smoked constantly and always had an excuse to get out of doing anything around the house.  It was all up to Mildred.  Eventually, Mildred and Tony bought their own home on Bert Avenue.

Uncle Tony died May 2, 1977 of pancreatic cancer.  It was one month to the day from the diagnosis.  We saw Mildred occasionally.  When Mom died Carolyn and I stopped there first to tell her and invited her to come and help pick out a dress etc.  With Mom gone, Mildred worked hard to keep the family together.  We started to have a 3 day Thanksgiving Holiday.  Wednesday evening was dinner at Aunt Mildred’s with either homemade ravioli or gnocchi.  Frank Amodio and his family were there along with Tink, Patty, their families and us along with Phil and Lucy.  Thanksgiving was at Patty’s. I brought desserts.  Friday was at our house for a soup supper!

Mildred developed colon cancer but fought for quite a while before succumbing to it. Before she died she called to complain that we hadn’t been to see her.  There had been a major snow storm but as soon as the roads were passable we visited her.

She and Lucy were great friends.  They traveled together even after Mildred’s diagnosis.  They went to Italy and did a lot of things together.  Needless to say, Lucy took her passing hard.

 

Aunt Phil was the youngest of the Amodio children.  She was born in 1920, the same year as Zitzi’s second son, Joe.  She grew up with the Aiello children.  Someone said that when Zitzi wanted her children out of the house she told them to go to their Grandmother’s and Grandmother would send her children to their sister’s.

Phil was always told she was “slow”.  She was about some things but was crafty enough to use this as an excuse to not do what she did not want to do.  “I don’t know how” was her motto.
When she came to live with us, Mom said that she had a dream in which Grandmother told her to “take care of her sister.”  Dad never objected.  She was a ready baby sitter which gave them freedom.

She and I were movie buffs.  We went to the movies almost every Friday evening and many times on Sunday as well.  As Mom became more unable to move about Phil took care of her.  With Aunt Angie living with Mom King, Margaret thought that all grandmothers lived with their sister!

After Mom died, Phil developed colon cancer and had surgery.  She stayed in the house alone for a while but we realized that the situation was not working.  After her surgery she went into a nursing home and was happy for a while.  However, an Alzheimer patient knocked her down and she broke a hip.  She had surgery and returned to the nursing home. Unfortunately, her cancer returned and perforated her colon. They did surgery but she started to develop sepsis and required huge amounts of fluids to maintain her blood pressure.  She was aware and shook her head as if to say “no more.”  I spoke with the surgeon and we agreed to let her go.