Letter to JJ

JJ's mother asked that we write letters to JJ to celebrate his first birthday in March 2017.  I thought it was a great idea and was happy to comply.  Here is the letter I wrote to him.''

Dear JJ

Your Mom asked many of us to write to you on your first birthday.  She wants to keep the letters and give them to you on your 18^th birthday.  That will be in March, 2034.  By that point I will be almost 93, so I’m not sure I’ll be around. 

The first question might be “Who is this guy writing this letter?”  Well, I am your Great-Great Uncle Frank. That means your great-grandfather Peter J. Lumia, Sr. was my older brother, your grandfather, Peter, is my nephew and your Mom is my great-niece.  We are all Lumias.

Second question might be, “What is he going to say to me?”  Since I know or knew at least 5 generations of your family, I thought you might like to know about them.  Most people know their parents and grandparents, if they are lucky.  I knew your great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents, rather well and I will try to give you an idea of who they were and what they were like.  Also my hobby has been genealogy and I have our family documented back to the 18^th C.

The best way to start is with a cast of characters.  As you read this letter, you may refer to it to better understand about whom I am talking.

Cast of Characters

Jonathan Charles Grunstrom, Jr.                                   You

Samantha Jean Lumia                                                       Your Mother

Peter J Lumia, Jr and Debra Creelman                         Your maternal grandparents

Peter J Lumia, Sr. and Barbara Anne Grausam          Your great-grandparents

Joseph Lumia and Rose Amodio                                                Your great-great grandparents

Harold W.Grausam, Sr. and Kathryn Christman       Your great-great grandparents

Your great-great-great grandparents

Peter Lumia and Margarita Vitrano     

Fedele Francesco Amodio and Orsula Greco            

Jacob Wendell Grausam and Ellen Pancoast             

John Sweet and Lena Christman           

Your great x4 grandparents

Giuseppe Lumia Minore and Alfonsina Scarlota      

Giuseppe Giusto Vitrano and Maria Campanella     

Giuseppe Amodio and Maria Raffaella Amirata       

Umile Greco and Filomena Petitto       

Clinton O. Christman and Lena Spencer         

Your grandfather, Peter, Jr. is my oldest nephew and as such has always been special to me.  This picture on the left was taken at Christmas, 1959. Your grandfather was 4 months old and is in my arms being kissed by his grandfather, Joe Lumia.  He has a little stranger-anxiety here as he hadn’t seen me since Thanksgiving.  At that Holiday I visited him and his parents in Bloomington, Indiana.  Peter, Sr. and I cooked the dinner, trying to duplicate our mother’s recipes.  On that weekend your grandfather and I were inseparable.

The picture on the right above is your grandfather’s nursery school graduation on Staten Island.  My parents and I were there to celebrate the event, along with his Grandmom Grausam.

The picture on the right is me with your grandfather and Uncle David in 1965.  I was on summer break from Medical School.

This picture of your grandfather dates to 1967 and was taken at his grandparents’ home during Christmas dinner.  The woman next to Peter is Aunt Phil, my mother’s youngest sister who lived with us.

While my Dad was alive he almost weekly drove to Matawan to pick up one or 2 of the boys to stay with their grandparents for a couple of days.  Your grandfather loved coming.  Since our milkman was my Dad’s brother, Uncle Sammy, he always left chocolate milk and orange juice for them to have.  Peter, Jr. especially liked his grandmother’s homemade chicken soup, particularly if she also made noodles.   He loved People’s rolls.  People’s was a bakery in Trenton that made the best bread around.  Whenever I stopped to buy a dozen rolls, only 10 or 11 made it to my mother’s.  Peter, Jr. was the same.  When he learned to drive he would come to Trenton and stop at People’s to buy rolls.  The other thing he loved was “Pizza Fritti”   These were pieces of raw bread dough, deep fried and sprinkled with sugar.  He would buy the raw bread dough and ask his grandmother to make them for him.  In the Italian Ghetto these were a staple and many times were Friday night dinner.  (For Catholics Friday was meatless then.)  To this day when Peter, Debbie and Mary Ann or my children come for dinner, we must have People’s rolls!

These 2 pictures are of your grandparents, Peter and Debbie Creelman Lumia on their wedding day in October 1980 and me with your Mom at Christmas probably when she was about 5.  Your Mom was the second girl born into the Lumia family.  My daughter Margaret was the first girl after my brother, me, your grandfather and his brothers.  Consequently your Mom, who was the second girl girl in the family, was also special to me.  Additionally, I was around when she was diagnosed and had her open-heart surgery. I always feared that she would hold that against me but she never did.  When your Aunt Kat came along, she was still only the third girl born into the family.

Peter, Jr. from a very young age loved television.  I baby sat him when he was about 18 months old.  He would not go to sleep and lay alongside me watching television until almost 11 pm.  My Mom’s friend, Rose Venanzi, called him “kid horizontal” because she always found him lying on the couch watching TV.  Your grandparents met while working at Western Electric in Bedminster.  Peter was having problems with his parents.  He did not want to go to college, for one.  Debbie and Peter moved to Florida in 1979, which upset me greatly.  I really thought they would do better around family like Peter’s grandmother and me.

My Mom was celebrating her 75^th birthday in August 1980 and we planned a family dinner at my home.  I paid for Peter and Debbie to come up from Florida for the occasion.  They stayed with us to surprise my Mom.  After the dinner they stayed with Mom for a few days.  Peter, Jr.’s parents were also unaware that the couple was coming from Florida.  Apparently they reached some agreement. Peter and Debbie returned to New Jersey in September and planned a small wedding at Debbie’s parents’ home for October.  The wedding guests were only immediate family including me and my wife.

Your great-grandparents were Peter and Barbara Grausam Lumia.  They eloped in May 1958 to Atlantic City.  They remarried in the Catholic Church in June in front of immediate family only.  The next day Mom had a party to celebrate the event.  This is their “official” wedding picture.  The original plan was for a big wedding in August.  I think that Peter did not want a big wedding and they decided to elope.  My mother never forgave them. 

Peter was a law student when he met Barbara who was a nursing student. They lived in Newark while in school.  I met her at Christmas 1957 when she came to visit. 

Peter graduated Rutgers Law in 1959, made the Law Review, was third in his class and took a job on the faculty of the Indiana University Law School.  He originally was going to be a high school history and math teacher but after spending 2 years in Europe in the Air Force he decided to go to law school. That was a wise decision.  His personality would have made him a very poor teacher.  He did not suffer stupid people gladly!  He worked for a few years in Cleveland for the National Labor Relations Board, after one year in Indiana, and then took a job in NYC for Western Electric, where he worked until he retired.  He was one of the lawyers in the divestment law suit brought by the government against AT&T for its apparent monopoly.  Barbara quit nursing school and was a stay-at-home Mom, raising the 4 boys.  They were married for 49 years when Barbara died of colon cancer. Peter died at 81 from a massive heart attack about 5 years later.

They were both well-read, intelligent people and I know they had high expectations for their sons.  Peter took me to my first Broadway play in 1953 and I have been a devoted play-goer ever since. They were also very interested in theater, current events, and politics.   Peter served as Mayor of Matawan for a while and was always involved in civic activities. 

I should tell you why he was named Peter and why I am actually, Francis.  In Italian families and particularly Sicilian ones, it is customary for the first son to be named after his paternal grandfather and the second son after his maternal grandfather.  The first 2 girls are named in the same fashion after their grandmothers.  My paternal grandfather was Peter Lumia. He was named for his paternal grandfather.  He died in 1926 from pneumonia.  My father was named, “Joe” after his grandfather.  Since his grandfather’s brother was also Joe Lumia, Dad had many cousins named “Joe Lumia.”  He even had a cousin living in Trenton named Joe, whose wife was named Rose.  So each year, Rose and Joe Lumia sent Christmas cards to Rose and Joe Lumia.  When that Joe Lumia died in 1962, we received condolence phone calls.  A few months later Dad tried to get into his safety deposit box.  He was told that the box was sealed as Mr. Lumia has died.  Dad replied in his usual direct way, “The hell I did!”

When my brother was born in 1931 it was customary for women to give birth at home.  My Mom gave birth to Peter, Sr. at home with her mother on one side and her mother-in-law on the other.  My Mom did not like the name “Peter.”  There must have been words about his name already.  The next day Grandmother Lumia arrived.  My Aunt Mildred let her in.  From the second she entered the door she called, “His name is Peter.  His name is Peter!”  Mom lost that argument. 

When I was born in a hospital, she was afraid that “people” would criticize her so she named me after her father, though she wasn’t fond of him.  He had died in 1939.  My brother wanted me to be named “James.”  So that’s my middle name.  Since I was 10 years younger, I followed him in school with many of the same teachers.  He had been a good student.  Fortunately, so was I.  However, having Peter ahead of me did make my life in school a little bit easier.

On my father’s side, there were 3 cousins named Peter. My brother and a cousin were both Peter Lumia, the third was Peter Immordino.  Since they all lived in the same town, there occasionally was confusion.  On my mother’s side there were 4 of us named Francis.  The eldest died in 1941 not long after I was born. The next Francis after me was called Frank (Amodio) and the third received a nickname from an Aunt.  He was “Tink” Scott, because she thought he had a “cute tinker.”  He was Tink into his 70’s!

Peter was 10 years older than me.  I always claimed that my brother was an “only child.” Actually, there was a book written in the 1950’s named, “My Brother was an Only Child.” He was for 9 years and 10 months.  Since my Dad worked nights he and Mom were constant companions.  If she went out, he went with her.  Funerals and wakes are very important ceremonies of life along with weddings.  During the 1930’s, many older family members and friends died.  Peter always complained that all he did was go to wakes.  She also visited family and friends (paesani) regularly as well as going to the movies.  She even acquired a complete service of dishes for 12 from one of the movies houses.  During the Depression that was one way to get people to the movies.  That set was always called the “Park Theater” dishes.

My parents were from Italian families.  Dad was born in NYC in 1900 to Peter and Margarita Vitrano Lumia.  Peter came to America about 1891.  I cannot verify which Peter Lumia was him in the Ellis Island rolls (there are 3).  I cannot find when Margarita came, either.  Peter was born In Villalba, Caltanissetta, Sicily in 1863 and Margarita was born in Lecara, Palermo, Sicily in 1873.  His parents were Giuseppe Lumia Minore and Maria Alfonsina Scarlota.  Giuseppe Minore means “little Joe”.  He had a brother 2 years older who was Giuseppe Lumia Maggiore (Big Joe).  That made tracing records difficult until I learned of both their existences.

Peter and Margarita met in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.  Margarita had a daughter, Rosaria born on February 2, 1897 in Punxsutawney with Vincenzo Mastrosimone.  However, she and Peter were next recorded in NYC where my father was born in January 1900.  They are also in the 1900 census along with Margarita’s daughter, Rosaria.  Margarita’s parents were Giuseppe Vitrano and Maria Campanella, who both died young.  I know very little about Peter Lumia, personally.  He worked for the railroad and died from pneumonia at age 63.  Margarita, however, was a very strong dominant woman.  She was called “Dona Margarita”, a title of respect.  One of my cousins remembers visiting her and having a ritual greeting for her.  I remember her only minimally.  She died in December 1946 from right heart failure.  She was allergic and asthmatic which caused her right heart to fail.  My Aunt Kate told me that one day Grandma was resting upstairs while Aunt Kate was cooking.  She diced some celery and put it into the pot.  Soon she heard Grandma’s cane banging on the floor.  When she asked what the problem was, Grandma was having trouble breathing.  Aunt Kate forgot that Grandma was allergic to celery.

The one memory I do have was of the Saint Joseph’s table that she did, probably in 1946.  Saint Joseph is the patron saint of Sicily.  His holiday on March 19^th is a major event.  In his honor they set up a huge table full of great food.  I remember being a hungry 5 year old.  But we had to wait for the priest to come to bless the table.  I know I was angry that I could not eat. 

Another part of Saint Joseph’s Day was special bread that was made by the local Sicilian bakery.  The bread had a mahogany crust covered with sesame seeds. The inside was snow white and absolute delicious.  It was only made for the Holiday.  Reportedly some of the Sicilian women helped out in the bakery making the bread.  Margarita was one of them.

Lower Manhattan was filled with ghettos. My Grandparents lived on Elizabeth Street where my Dad was born.  The Sicilians lived on Elizabeth Street. The other Italians lived on the next streets.  Grandfather Lumia’s cousins also lived on Elizabeth Street. Trenton also had ghettos.  The Sicilians lived in North Trenton and had their own parish, St. Paul’s, and their own building and fraternal society, the Villalba.  Obviously there were a very large group of people who emigrated from Villalba.  The other Italians, the Calabrese, Romans, Neopolitans, Abruzzis, etc lived in Chambersburg and their parish was St. Joachim’s on Butler Street.  Several of these groups also had their own societies and buildings.  Chambersburg remained an Italian enclave into the 1980’s and many of the saloons in the area became fancy Italian restaurants. 

Peter and Margarita stayed in NYC until about 1903 and then moved to Trenton.  In total they had 5 children in addition to Dad and Rosaria.  They all had Italian (Sicilian) names but changed them to English names later. Rosaria became Sarah, then Dad (Joe), Frances, Ben, Mary, Catherine and Sam.  These were my aunts and uncles growing up. They were a very important part of our lives.  In those days one visited family regularly (probably weekly) without appointments or prior calls. One just showed up.  If there were no sweets in the house to serve with coffee someone went out the back to the local store to buy something.  One had to have coffee and cake for the visit to count!  I used to call it “making the rounds,” especially when I was home from college or Med School during the Holidays and over the summer.

My mother, Rosaria Genevra Amodio, was born in Bisignano, Calabria, Italy August 18, 1905.  Her parents were Fedele Francesco Amodio and Orsula Greco.  Mom had an older sister whom we all called Zitzi (Raffaella). She had another3 sisters and a brother.  She, her mother and 2 sisters came to the USA in May 1913.  The second sister died in 1917 from meningitis. The survivors were Joe, Mildred and Phil.  Again, they and their spouses were important people in our lives.  The only grandparent I met was Margarita.  My brother knew his Amodio grandparents.  Orsula died in 1935 and Fedele in 1939.

These photos are of my Mom at my wedding in 1970 and of my Dad in his Uniform, probably from the 1940’s.

Although I did not have a living grandfather, I had a surrogate one.  Mom’s Uncle Charlie Greco was my surrogate grandfather.  He was Orsula’s baby brother.  He and his wife, Aunt Annie, were on the “visit often” list.  When I went away to college and med school he would slip me a bit of money when we were saying “good-bye.”  Again he and his entire family were very important people to our family.  The last time I saw one of his daughters, she greeted me by saying, “My father adored you!”

The photo on the left dates from 1908.  The adults are Peter and Margarita Vitrano Lumia who was pregnant with a girl who would be born in May (Catherine).  The children are (L-R) Ben, Joe, Mary, and Sarah standing behind Frances.

My Dad trained as a carpenter and made a few pieces of fine furniture.  After I married he made sure to obtain a dressing table he had made from his sister to give to my wife.  He also made a cedar chest for my wife.

When the Depression hit, he worked as a guard at the NJ State Prison in Trenton (Maximum Security) remaining there from 1932 to 1967.  He was about 5’7” and strong as a bull.  He was however a gentle man with a temper, quick to blow and quick to cool down.  His whole family was rather loud when they were together.  He finished 7^th grade.  He loved to read the newspaper and follow the news.  He was a Republican and I remember his disappointment when Truman won in 1948.  My brother worked as a prison guard one summer while in college and I worked in the Mail Room when I was 14, censoring the mail and checking in visitors.

Dad was there during the execution of Bruno Hauptman, who was found guilty of kidnapping the Lindberg baby and during the riots in the 1950’s.

Mom was a seamstress.  She worked in HD Lee’s making overalls from age 13, after finishing 6^th grade.  She stopped working after marriage.  While at Lee’s she worked with my Lumia aunts.  Mom’s sister Mildred met her future husband at Lee’s.  Mildred sewed and Uncle Tony was a cutter.  Most Italian women worked at sewing jobs.  Mom loved to make clothes for her younger sisters.  Mildred was 13 years younger than Mom and Phil was 15 years younger.  She made most of their clothes as children.

Mom was an emotional woman. She could cry on cue.  Although she came to America when she was 7, she still kept a great deal of influence from her Italian culture.   She always cried at wakes, regardless of how she felt about the dead person. She also cried to get her way.  She told my wife never to tell anyone that the baby’s delivery was easy.  The harder it was the more you loved the baby.  She was generous to her immediate family.  Your Great-uncles all thought she was the perfect grandmother to them.  My children called her “Grandma lots of candy” as opposed to their other one who was “Grandma little candy.”  The amount of candy received was not a reflection on the amount of love given.  They were both well loved grandmothers. She had lots of “sayings” that she quoted. She was the one who taught me the phrase, “Keep quiet and let people think you are stupid, rather than open your mouth and prove it!”  That is good advice, actually.

During World War II Mom worked at Westinghouse and became an American citizen.  While she was working I stayed with Zitzi.  Mom quit after the war ended but returned to Lee’s about 1948 in preparation for Peter’s going to college.  She worked at Lees into the 1950’s and then worked for the NJ Dept. of Health. There was never a question about our going to college.  Peter was the first grandchild to graduate college. 

Mom made shorts and overalls for me and my cousin Frank and his brothers, Joe and John.  They were made from scraps of material from Lee’s.  Then she made pajamas for her grandchildren.  We visited my brother and family for his 50^th birthday.  Jeff saw my son in his PJ’s and remarked, “Those are Grandma Pajamas.”

I remember Mom making curtains and even making lampshades.  She also liked to dress dolls.  There is a famous family story about a doll she bought. Her sister, Phil worked for the Horseman Doll Company and bought the doll for Mom.  Barbara was expecting her first baby.  That was your grandfather, Peter.  Mom put the doll away.  When Barbara became pregnant again, the doll came out.  David was born.  The doll returned to the closet.  Then, came Jeff.  When Barbara was pregnant the 4^th time we were all certain that this one had to be a girl, who was to be Rosemary.  I was visiting a friend that December in Chicago and we talked about the expectant baby.  I returned to my apartment and found a letter telling me about Michael.  I called my friend and said, “Rosemary’s name is Michael!”  I’ve always teased Michael with that story.  My Margaret has the doll. 

My Mom, her sisters, sisters-in-law, and some of her brothers-in-law were all good cooks.  My Dad could only boil water!  Zitzi made bread and anise biscotti, regularly.  When you visited you usually got a loaf of bread to take home.  Since I stayed with her regularly, she usually had biscotti for me.  Her husband (Zitzi Carmen) made tomato sauce (gravy) and stuffed mushrooms (among other things). His mushroom recipe has been passed down in the family and Margaret makes them every Christmas.  Uncle Jim Immordino was a good cook.  He knew how to pick mushrooms and always went to New York to buy certain Italian vegetables for everyone.  When he did, the phones rang and everyone went to his house to get the goodies!  My Lumia aunts each had specialty cookies that they made, such as sesame cookies and Aunt Frances’ famous cream filled cookies, which I loved.  She always made sure she saved some for me.  Mom made prune lekvar cookies and anise biscotti.  My cousins and I loved the prune cookies and my brother loved the biscotti.  After Mom died, I gave him a batch of biscotti as his Christmas gift each year.  The recipes for ravioli, lasagna, and gnocchi are Mom’s, as well.  Mom and I always made something special for dessert for Christmas dinner.  We made Baked Alaska several times.  When she obtained the recipe for the Waldorf Cake, that became our yearly special.  I even took on back to Chicago with me.  Mom and my Aunts also jarred fruits and vegetables, particularly tomatoes to make gravy over the winter.  They would compete each year over who “put up” the most jars.  It was a tremendous amount of work. When my Dad tired of this after many years, he told my Mom that he wasn’t playing “Del Monte” any more.  If she wanted canned tomatoes, she should buy them!

I should mention your Grausam great-great grandparents too.  Barbara’s parents were Harold and Kay Christman Grausam.  The picture of Harold dates from the 1960’s. The 2 women are Sybil Christman MacGarrah and Lena Christman Perier on the right. Lena was Kay’s mom and therefore your Great x3 grandmother.  When we visited Kay and Harold, Lena lived next door and I would visit with her. I called her “Gram”.  She was someone I wish I knew when she was younger. They teased her that she drove her very large Chrysler with a heavy foot.  Her tongue was a bit sharp, but never with me.  We loved to watch “Maverick” on TV and her sister. Sybil often visited.  When Harold, Jr. married I was assigned to look after Gram.  That wedding was an Orthodox Catholic service in some Slavic language.  Gram was a Protestant and was not happy that she could not follow the service or even know when the couple exchanged their vows.  She asked me if they were really married.  She was a good Democrat and was pleased that Barbara was marrying one.  

Harold, Sr. worked as a manager in a factory.  He had a dry sense of humor.  He was a liberal Democrat.  I remember the Christmas after the Kennedy assassination when we were all concerned about LBJ being President.  Harold was the one who remembered that LBJ was a disciple of Franklin D. Roosevelt and would be fine!  That was before the Viet Nam war became really big.

He came from a large family and had 3 unmarried sisters, Marie, Collette, and Betty. When the three sisters were in there 90’s, Peter and Barbara moved them near their home and these aunts became Barbara’s sole responsibility.  She was taking care of them when she passed out and was rushed to the hospital where they diagnosed her cancer.

The Christmans, Lena’s family, are easy to trace on Ancestry.com.  They came from Switzerland and migrated to America in the early 1700’s.    I have them traced to the 16^th C.  The Grausams came originally from Germany and your Uncle David has more information on them. I remember teasing Barbara Grausam Lumia that her name meant “fierce barbarian.”  She was not happy with me!

This is one of the few pictures I have of Kay Grausam.  She and my Mom are on kitchen detail in Kay’s home in Edison.  My Mom liked Kay and Harold, much more than she liked my mother-in-law.

Kay was a very nice woman, who unfortunately smoked heavily and had a stroke relatively at a young age.  As a physician I often argued with her about that habit, to no avail.  I really liked her.

I hope you find my efforts interesting and I hope you enjoyed some of the stories, I have included.  I suppose I could have made this much longer with many more stories.  I do have a blog with other stories about the family at artsandgenes.blogspot.com.  If it still exists and you can find it, you may see more stories about some of these people.

If you do get this on your 18^th birthday I wish you a very Happy Birthday.  You are now officially an adult, able to vote among other privileges and responsibilities.  I hope you are as great a person as I remember your Mom.  I also hope you continue to grow and mature into a very fine adult.

Sincerely

Uncle Frank