My Italian Roots V

One of the aspects of being an Italian-American is the way one was taught to greet people, especially family and friends.  My father was a warm affectionate man, particularly to his children.  He was not afraid of physical contact.  He did not believe that kissing his sons would make them gay!  I spent a good bit of time with him.  He changed his work hours to be home with me at lunch while I was in elementary school.  His days off were Sunday and Monday.  I still treasure those lunch hours and the time we spent together on Mondays when school was out.  Even simple times, waiting to pick up Mom at Lee’s was special.  We would park on the bridge over the train tracks and count the cars passing under us.  To me that was the best of times.

Each day when I got up and went down for breakfast, I kissed each parent “good morning.”  Each evening before going to bed we said “good night.”  I don’t remember if there was a kiss involved then too.  Certainly when I went out, I said “good-bye.”  By the time I was in high school I was the last to leave.  I had a 10 minute walk and classes started at 8:30 am, so Mom left before me, taking the bus to work.  However, she always said “good-bye” before leaving. 
When we visited any aunt, I kissed each on arriving and at departure.  Uncles may or may not have been kissed depending on them.  I remember being at a wedding in Carolyn’s family.  Her aunts and older cousins were sitting together in a line.  I kissed each aunt and cousin in the line and then teased Carolyn privately, that I had kissed every old lady in the place.  “Could I leave?”  That was not strange.  It was perfectly normal to me.  Most of them were little, old Italian ladies, or had been in the family so long they were adopted Italians.
We visited most of my aunts each month.  That was a lot of visiting.  I remember Aunt Kate stopping by because she “had not seen her brother in a couple of weeks!”  She did not remember that since she lived in Grandmom’s house, Dad was quite comfortable there and usually fell asleep in his father’s chair. 
We visited Aunt Kate and Aunt Mary who lived in Grandmom’s house, Aunt Frances, Aunt Lil, Zitzi, and Uncle Charlie at least every month. We either visited Uncle Sammy or he and his wife visited us.  They were the core of our social life when I was small. 
When I became an adult as an Italian-American, kissing and hugging remained an integral part of greeting friends.  We are very fortunate to have a large circle of friends in Allentown, people with whom we have been close for 30 years or more.  The women have learned that I kiss “hello” and possibly “good-bye”.  Those who are not Italian have learned that this behavior is ME and have learned to accept and expect it.  Some of the men even have learned to hug! 
At work, particularly at DHLC in my department, I was the pater familias.  There was never an issue of sexual harassment.  I hugged my staff when they needed it, patted them on the back for a good job and never worried about “physical” contact.  Neither did they.  Any of them might seek a hug if needed. 
One of the difficulties I have with the younger generation is that they are not being taught basic manners.  They do not say “hello” or “good-bye” or even “Thank you.”  I think that is very rude.  By the time a child is 5 or 6 they should automatically, say “hello” to someone they know well.  The grandniece and grandnephew, which I take care of and adore, are guilty of this behavior.  I have spent enough time with them to know that they can say, “hello”, “good-bye” and “thank you.”  But, at 6 and 4, they rarely do it, unless prompted.
Another time I was at a family gathering.  My 12 year old grand-nephew and his 10 year old sister arrived at the party from out of town.  They did not greet anyone but their grandparents.  But, their grandfather spoke to them first.  I just sat and waited.  They were due to spend the night at our house and they knew that. They had been there several times before.  Their mom said something about them driving to Allentown with me.  I was rude enough to tell her that they could not come to my home; they had not even said, “hello!”  I had no problem embarrassing her in front of her parents and family!
Nor, is this behavior restricted to those under 10.  I have adult nieces and nephews who have come into the house for a Holiday dinner and not say, “hello” and leave without saying “Thank you.”  Such behavior is dependent on their mother, I confess.  One sister-in-law can be very difficult and does not like any physical contact. 

There are some who greet me with a hug and/or kiss.  My brother’s sons have been around too long and were influenced by my mother. The always hug me in greeting.  A couple of nieces have always been very special to me.  They always greet me with a kiss, though they are not Italians.  Their parents, however, are warm, friendly people, who taught them well.

It is sad to me that this part of my culture is being lost.  It is a warm friendly way to show respect and affection for family members and dear friends.  My son knows this and told me that one has to at least greet the important people in the room!  He and I have the same affectionate relationship as I had with my father!